Home > Reflection > Compelled, Confession, Complacency.

Compelled, Confession, Complacency.

A thread, ’10 things you dont know about me’, was recently started in the clan forums of an online game I’m currently playing. 5 posts in, and it’s already a confessional. The subject of the thread combined with the relative anonymity provided by the internet already precluded how it would, and eventually did, turn out. But of course the awareness of preconditions and their significance never prevent me from being surprised. Again and again I grow complacent, and again and again I’m presented with the reality of the insignificance of my experience. Probably all previous posts evince that, and definitely the one posted just an hour or so ago.

I see how determined I was to remain complacent, and this prompts me to be thankful for deliverance. Once complacency sets in, it takes on various, ever-changeable guises. Or rather, once I settled into it, I took on various, ever-changeable pretensions.

A truism: It would be vain to be consumed by a futile pursuit. Is freedom from complacency really futile? I’m compelled to think it is, in life, but even then I’m compelled to attempt it.

I can’t mention anything from others’ lists, because I can’t list 10 things. I can only manage three.

  1. I’m humbled each time I realize how complacent I become, again and again, even with repeated encounters with experiences far different from my own.
  2. I’m rich, though I invariably consider less my good fortune, for what it is, than accept, grudgingly, that I’m fortunate, for what it is.
  3. That makes me something of a poor little rich kid.

(I thought a long time before hitting ‘Publish’.)

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