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I feel like a little macro. This is the inevitable result of attempting to force disparate systems to mesh, because all these little workflows just come up, seemingly from nowhere, and you end up doing this string of little things once for each of your X pages, or X passages, or X phrases. If all this sounds very technical, that would be ironic, because I’m manifestly not an adept technician. If more musicians were, or if more technical geniuses were musicians, the whole MI experience could be made significantly less draining. The other reason I’m drained is the fact of the X hours of sleep I’ve had in the last thirty-eight.

(Between the above and the following, I took a walk.)

I’m asking myself: what else can I remember? The term’s over, but the strain of sprinting through the last stretch of it is still weighing on my brain, and I feel like I’m forgetting things.

Sprinting is something I seem to have been doing a lot recently. I’ve found myself chasing buses I’d had to catch on an inordinate number of occasions recently, from about the time of the Olympics. If that sentence triggered your anticipation of a bad parallel, well, it’s coming, but I didn’t plan it that way: I distinctly remember sprinting for a 74 and wondering what it would be like to be Usain Bolt. Buses aside, I’ve also been running around quite a bit in the course of finishing up my compo recordings.

While we’re on the subject of compos, finishing ‘Hearth Fantasy’ last Thursday night was definitely one of the high points of the term. I suppose IOC might be another; I’ve mentioned some of the circumstances, but there were other things too. I remember my resolve when I decided to drop everything and start IOC immersion, five days before the event. Funnily enough, I can’t remember what the ‘everything’ I had to ‘drop’ was; some things are coming back more clearly than others. One of the things I am clearly remembering is the feeling of lightness that followed my resolution. I don’t remember the stress, though I imagine it was present in some degree. If it was present, it didn’t stop me from actually enjoying the preparation, for instance during my first slow read-through of Lear since year 5. Discussions, practices and eating from trays were fun too.

I’m trying to remember things that came after IOC, but I’ve stalled. Were Music IAs really that bad? I’ve mentioned before that I’m quite happy not to have done Music-with-a-capital-M in secondary school, and one reason is that I think I might have worn myself out early. (I still might; I’ve provided less philosophical reasons before, though….) I suppose all this points to the thought or feeling that I’m having: Too much music. (Or, surfeit, for the Twelfth Night people.) It is a chilling thought. Perhaps its the mechanics of cutting and splicing and transcribing and using Sibelius, which combines the worst aspects of data entry and learning to play an instrument, that’ve worn me down. Composing was hard work, but it was also fulfilling work, and recording the Invention and the song was enjoyable, if not exactly professionally satisfying; but I’ve still been avoiding putting on my earphones recently. I suppose that might be a natural response to repeat listening of phrases and sections (in contrast to songs).

Before this gets any more depressing, I shall remember the Magical Musical Experience of Brahms’ 2nd piano concerto. Matthew was tired and fell asleep halfway, and my juniors thought it was draggy, but I was absolutely enthralled. I thought it was That good. I suppose it’s funny that the only reason I even thought of going for the concert in the middle of IA-rush was the Rouse trombone concerto. (Good, but not Enthralling.)

I’ve spent a good long time writing. I suppose, in a way, I may be trying to make the most of a rather wearing term, but really there’s so much to be grateful for, especially as I realize how much I’ve struggled through the term only half-aware of things. (I’m extremely grateful for the people who’ve been understanding and patient and caring.)

I’m looking forward to Turandot tomorrow, IA-free prelims prep, the prelims, and whatever comes after. Now, I need to sleep.

Categories: Music, Reflection, Vagaries
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