Home > Reflection, Vagaries > Things To Be Sure Of

Things To Be Sure Of

As with most things we leave behind, we only realize what exactly we will miss about them some time after we’ve left them. THey’re quite often small things, but then we remember them because they were, in their small way, important. It is the absence that makes itself felt, and even if we thought we knew what we left behind was good, well, this heart grew fonder. 

My first week in a new environment hasn’t been challenging, exactly (read: slack), but I think it’s been less than easy in other ways. While I did suspect that Z/1/2 was exceptional, I suppose I was reluctant to consciously lower my expectations for the future. Either I was right before, or my current situation is the exception in the opposite direction. I hope things will improve with time, but I hope I don’t get used to the way things are now if they continue this way. A friend of mine once wrote something along the lines of ‘the reek of mediocrity’ (or was it ‘the stench’?), and, really, it is something you feel in the air; it’s also hard to ignore, especially when the voices in your head make themselves conspicuous. 

I think many people have voices in their heads that remind them about things whenever they’re in a certain type of situation. This week, I found that I’ve got a new one in my head: the voice of my first PC, complete with the emphatic expletives. This means that there has been a lot of swearing going on in the reaches of my mind whenever I didn’t manage to ignore the sloppy drills and lousy attitudes I’ve happened to observe, and I think you can imagine how that aggravates. Nine weeks have left their mark, evidently; but then again, one of my teachers once characterized me as a kind of tabula rasa, although he put it in less definite terms, because his England not so good, and his Latin also. In any case, I suppose this means I’m still impressionable. 

Right now, the flame of my discontent is still burning, but I know I’ll be tempted to lower my standards. I think my expectations will inevitably change, but at this moment, I actually feel strangely confident that my attitude won’t. I think it’s a good thing, and I suppose that, whatever the next few weeks will be like, this is something I can be proud of.

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