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Not Drowning

My charges have been in nine days, with eight to go, but I’ve stolen a day to recover and resupply. Life has been worse, life has been better, and I’m feeling a little philosophical. (It happens when I refuse to be focused enough to feel much else.)

The exercise, long days and small meals have made for better muscle definition, but the command-and-control, long days and exhortations to discipline have made for some loss of voice. The unforgiving glare of the sun has worsened my complexion, but roasting under the sun has bettered my tan, I suppose.

Corporal concerns aside, I also had to be reminded not to sin in my morbidly fascist anger (‘wastes of oxygen’), although it was probably too late. It is the casual disregard for things like equity, welfare and good sense that raises my bile, but I think I succumb to being satisfied with contempt as the right attitude in response to that disregard. Actually, contempt and disregard are equally casual, and I think it would be better for me to think, ‘They know not what they do,’ since they manifestly do not. I realize that may have sounded flippant or vitriolic, but I really do think it would be a better attitude to adopt, and for the record, I’m not referring to recruits.

But otherwise, the first week was a good week of jobs well done and efforts well combined, and tired as I may have been, there were pleasures to be had. The island is really quite beautiful, if one is in the mood to look; the skies are very, very blue, the trees and fields and coasts are picturesque, and of course there are the stars at Rocky Hill to look at, even if I had to sleep on the parade square.

I’ve made a rather cursory attempt to sum up the recent bursting week. The things I’ve written seem true enough but half a day isn’t quite enough to piece them together conclusively, or so I feel, but I suppose that’s appropriate because it’s back in for another seven days, at least, starting in a few hours. All the same, I’m grateful for the day to breathe in the air of the life I’m supposed to be waiting to get back.

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