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Tapping Away

My first week was relaxed. My second was stressful, but ultimately unproductive. Two days into my third and I’m beginning to find some rhythm, but it is a fragile one.

I may have wanted a change of pace, but I’ve mainly manged to make life relatively meter-less. I have a multitude of ideas and a mess of plans that I’m not managing properly, so I tap away.

I have another analogy for the situation I find myself in; that it involves snow is just inconvenient. Like Shadow in Neil Gaiman’s ‘American Gods’, I find myself thinking to myself, ‘Make it snow, make it snow, make it snow.’ (Shadow had a likelier method; in his mind’s eye he conjured cloud upon cloud, clouds thickening and darkening…) What I want to do is build my ice-hut and go ice-fishing, and so, really, I am vexing myself with the hope of a change of season. It is so vexing, I think, ‘Vanity,’ and try to re-live as much of what I enjoyed under the summer sun as I can. In so doing,  I undermine myself.

What I want is vision, vision, vision and faith, faith, faith that the next venture will see me in yet a better place.

The other hard question is: What do I really want?

 

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Categories: Reflection
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