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Work Log, T-1

Today was kind of the climax of a week of chasing down leads, contacts, information and people.

Today I set up a sound system I had only envisioned in theory from materials I had only seen once before and never had hands-on experience with. I transported the components, cleared the area and set up the stage in one hour. Once the components were at the destination, I did the rigging in another hour. I did the testing and calibration for a coupla hours after that.

I had a lot of help with this – here I remember that when I indulge my anger at some people, the result is that I forget those who did help me, and who did more than was necessary, did more than well and who were, in all this, kind, appreciative and respectful.

Nevertheless, I have to record that I am very, very angry at those who fail to be, at the minimum, kind, appreciative, respectful – or even responsible. To be fair, the kind of ‘responsibility’ I have in mind here is the above-and-beyond sort; to clarify: –

I think there are two types of responsibility. The first type is obligatory. Its basis is contractual. It goes along the lines of having charge of something and being liable for the damages that may arise from failing to safe-keep the thing. The second sort is intentional. It implies the active commitment of an agent. In a way, this kind of ‘responsibility’ has a wider application than the first, in that it is more readily applicable to people and human aspirations (goals, missions, visions) than the first type, which mostly only works in the context of property. I may suffer the loss of property, but it would not be entirely appropriate to speak of disappointment and the pain of failure if that was the only loss. Those feelings tend to go with the second type.

I am aware that the expectation that anyone should feel the second type of responsibility is a high one, and one that opens the door to the pain and disappointment I mentioned. I can even accept that people may not have had as many advantages as I’ve had (to quote F. Scott Fitzgerald’s narrator) and that they are in the process of learning. What makes me furious is their total obliviousness to the reality that they are working with people, people who owe nothing to them and who, nevertheless, do more than they are obliged on the basis of some kind of aspiration, whether it is the imagination of fellowship of a sort, or the hope of some kind of good to be achieved. In this obliviousness lies an implicit disavowal of any sort of responsibility even as many others take it on.

What makes me even more furious is when these detestable characters proceed to construct a fantasy of their sacrifice and competence. This is a fantasy that, in the situation I am commenting on, has been maintained at length and under the most challenging circumstances. The mechanism for this involves both self-delusion (in the form of self-aggrandizement) and social and political manoeuvring (bitching and tale-telling). This playground behaviour is, nevertheless for the recognition of its childishness, demoralizing, draining and malign.

Frustration is a big part of the anger I feel. These people’s resistance to reality renders them almost useless – or nett negative contributors – to the working of magic. But mana is limited, I am running out of pots, and the respawn timers are getting longer.

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  1. Cuthbert
    30 June 2012 at 4:23 am

    Oh, yes, and additionally: a certain person, also overworked and whom I try to have patience for but who nevertheless clearly has a different concept of value, complained about the brightness of the lights. I suppose his annoyance could have been at the ambient volume and the difficulty of communicating, but it was nevertheless a very unpleasantly delivered comment. Over the next half-hour he realized how little he knew about sound testing and set-up. Or at least I hope he did. That would be some good done.

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