Home > Reflection > A Year to Recover From

A Year to Recover From

(Reposted from my Facebook note.)

As the title suggests, this has been as taxing a year as I’ve ever had. I’ve duly spent a long and rather tenuous period of recovery from it. I did not dare to hope that I’d be feeling as recovered as I am today, but somehow I did, and therefore this note.

What I’ve mainly recovered is a bit of faith (though apparently the bit – Matt 17:20 – that makes all the difference). I’ve shed off a bit more of disappointment, having submitted to the suffering of some of it. What ensues is – can only be – better. It is for all this that I give thanks.

There is an anonymous person, who may or may not ever read this, who helped wash the dozen or so stale coffee mugs in the lobby that I was resigned to having to do myself, at some point in time I hated to think about. Finding them washed meant a lot, at that point – I think it is beautiful that the worth of that act is best reckoned as simply as possible.

There are others persons, non-anonymous, but whom I may not name, to whom I am, or have been, grateful.

I have always been grateful for those who have held up their end of a shared hope or responsibility. I have been especially grateful to those who stood with me during hard situations. I hope I never forget those who rallied this summer. There were many more rallies in the season following – autumn brought with it a whole series of battlefronts. The great blessing I had was not having to fight them alone – there were leaders and counsellors and allies, and, grace upon grace, those who were all of these and, at the same time, friends. These are my heroes.

As I approached the end of the year, I found that I’d most come to appreciate something less like the strength I’ve earlier mentioned. During the most taxing periods, I often found I had close to nothing to offer, sometimes nothing beyond my stresses or disillusionments – to those to whom I did not have to summon up anything for, I am profoundly grateful.

In my recent memory, the summer and everything that followed have loomed the largest. I still do not remember as much of the time before, though I remember that the beginning of the spring was marked by the second of two deaths, and I was deeply grateful to those whose sympathies I had without my having to appeal.

That I have had a partner in all of this is true grace. This I have from a God I call mine.

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